is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
