how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
