hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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