I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
