Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
