He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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