It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
