He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize