Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
