am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
