Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
