Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nutella sex= disaster
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
