I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
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