The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
