for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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