Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
