Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was confusing and full of hummus
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i dont even know how to be here
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Damn victory sex feels great
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
