i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
