How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
