sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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