Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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