Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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