you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
