Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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