Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
