i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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