that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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