remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
