I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
