i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
