uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
