i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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