Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
