is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
