Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
