When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
