i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
