I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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