Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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