my being single is dangerous.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
