Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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