Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
