My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
