In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize