nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize