so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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