I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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