I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
