My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize