Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
