I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize