He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
