i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
