I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
