a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had sex on a roof
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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