I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
