people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
