What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize