get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
