she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
