Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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