Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize