I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
