You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
