Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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