I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
