party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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