so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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