My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
