So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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